I’ve been feeling strange recently. It’s summer so I’m home for a bit. My dog has started acting hostile towards me. My head hurts all the time and I feel crushed with some massive invisible weight. I think it’s the weight of all the future. It’s just so daunting, that way, that trek to reach the threshold you’ve set for yourself and I just can’t stop thinking about how much time it’ll take me, how hard it will be, all the horrid, grimy little details. My mind wanders off in strange unsettling directions. Violence. Xenophobia. I suddenly no longer recognise the world I live in. It changes like the weather, and why do we develop feelings of trust if human beings, collectively, change like the weather?
Sideways and onward, hitting walls and splitting bones
we move like a juggernaut crushing
ether, nails, and fists that make cornerstones
everything the air the sides of the invisible
with hands grasping climbing choking blocking
thousands and each other and grasping their own throats
everywhere and nowhere
we sink and we rise
though fit to be despised
Everything I write seems to be of a sour colour and I’m finding it harder and harder to keep my head above everything.
Who I want to be
Underlined and no longer inside